I've said before that I don't believe in making permanent changes to one's body, and this just proves my point.

While reading the Spring Style section of this weekend's Sunday Trib, I learned that eyebrows this spring are supposed to be worn in a full and striking shape. So people who overplucked their eyebrows into tiny threads for the last few seasons to the point that less hair grows there than on the backside of a manx cat are SOL.

Unless, as the article advocated, they get their hands on some Rogaine which they are to dab oh-so-delicately with the tip of a cotton swab around the bare eyebrow area to encourage their previously-thwarted capacity for hirstuteness to bloom forth again.

Crazy peeps! First you pluck your face bald and then you resort to drugs to reverse the effects of your cowtowing to the dictates of fashion.

What I want is to cash in on this Rogaine gravy-train and start a new trend...like hairy dimples. As long as you are swabbing this stuff around your eyeline, why not pop a drop or two in your dimples as well, just for kicks? With any luck you can soon have two luxuriant sprigs sprouting from your cheeks. You could braid them and everything.

And all you peeps bleaching your mustaches and plucking stray hairs from your chin, take heart! Get thee to a dermatologist who can transplant those unwanted tresses to where you really want them. Soon you'll have a monobrow that any muppet would envy!

Freaks! And I mean that in the original "carny-loving people would pay good money to watch you lounging in a cage on your ass" sense.