Our vacuum cleaner conked out tonight while we were trying to clean the house in preparation for a visitor.

First it made chugging noises, then the room filled with an acrid, burning smell, then the vacuum jerked to a stop and sort of fell over.

The sad thing is that we had used it all of ten times. The only thing we have to vacuum is this one rug. The hardwood floors are sort of 'sweep only'.

After performing an autopsy, mr rampy diagnosed the cause of death as overexposure to long red hairs. I would say the cause was buying the vacuum at a second-hand shop from a wizened Chinese guy who probably had a lovely array of Mogwai in the back room, but bygones. It's broken. Who cares.