The other day mr rampy had to write a paper for class about what sorts of ads airports should create to convince people to not be annoyed with tighter security in the wake of 9/11. Apparently once people came to class and started discussing the subject, they got very silly and all became enamoured of the idea of a commercial about a squad of security guards performing a severely invasive search on Barney the Dinosaur. I'm sure the memory of seeing uniformed people frisk a giant purple puppet would certainly make your own shoe removal and loss of nail file bearable.

I suggested that they add a sight gag where Lamb Chop, as one of the guards, could be seen preparing to perform a body cavity search on Barney. Lamb Chop is looking for work now, yes?

I forgot to mention: when I was coming back from sis-in-law's wedding, we were trying to be good citizens at the security check-in, so we took our watches off, put them in one of the multiple plastic bins waiting on our side of the X-ray machine, and gaily sent them down the conveyer belt. Of course the plastic bin tipped over while in the dark recesses of the machine, and suddenly our watches alone shot out the other end. mr rampy's watch cleared the metal rollers okay. Mine looked like it was about to be crushed, and then it fell through the rollers to (I thought) the floor below.

But no. It fell into a bin of water. Whether the water was leaking from the machine, or whether it was some pool of confiscated drugs, I don't know. Regardless, once we rescued my watch, security left us alone (I guess we had paid our dues to the security of the nation for the day), and I immediately ducked into the bathroom to try to wash that funky smell off of it.

All of this is beside the point, because I am actually here to talk about PUPPET PENIS SHOWS! This new urban art form was apparently showcased on a recent episode of HBO's Real Sex series. As far as I can tell, there are at least two manifestations of it.

One = the Real Sex subject, which was two guys who base an Off Broadway show on it.

Two = These guys in this documentary who also have a book out.

I didn't know men's genitals could be so thrilling without a vat of wine and disco lighting may have to go down in history as the best book blurb ever.

So yeah, anyway. In a puppet penis show, two guys strip naked and twist their weenies into various shapes, like porno birthday party balloon artist clowns.

The guy telling us about this said that he watched up until the part where one of the art guys twisted his genitalia into the shape of a hamburger (with his balls as the buns and his wee-wee as the meat), and then he had to turn it off.

This became the big joke of the night. One girl suggested that they should put little condoms on and act out robbery scenarios. Later, another guy (after accidentally walking in on girls peeing in the bathroom two separate times) was talking about how guys don't really compare size while they are in there. "You're staring straight ahead," he said. "What are you going to do?"

"Make puppets?" I suggested.

I mean, with the water element added, I'm sure you could make all sorts of lovely kinetic fountain-influenced things.

So yeah. Puppet penis shows are sure to be the wave of the future. But I still found the funniest moment of the evening to be when a girl said that E.T. should have been named The Little Ugly Guy with Really Long Fingers.