SCENE: Watching Tom Cruise's tour de force performance in Far and Away with Sis 1 and Sis 2.

(Tom Cruise gets his chest stepped on by a humongous horse)

me: Oh, yeah. This is the part where he dies.

Sis 2: He DIES??? He does not die.

me: Could be. It's been a while since I've seen this.

Sis 2: HE DOES NOT DIE!

me: I don't know. That was an awfully heavy horse.

(Tom Cruise's ghost spirit stops hovering above the world and returns to earth when Nicole Kidman's Irish lass says she loves him)

Sis 1: He's mostly okay, but he can't move his legs now.

me: Yeah. Next is the part where she has to tie him into a wheelchair and feed him.

Sis 2: SHUT UP! That isn't what happens!

Sis 1: Do you see him moving his legs?

me: I don't.

Sis 1: He's just dragging himself along with his arms.

me: Yeah.

(Tom and Nic stab the ground with their flag stake, claiming the land for their new home)

Sis 2: SEE??? He's fine.

me: Whatever. She should have stabbed him through the heart with that stake. He is obviously a member of the undead now.

Sis 1: Yeah. That horse was really heavy.