I keep seeing commercials for the new video game based on the forthcoming movie version of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Being me, at first I was surprised they had made a tie-in video game at all, and then I was dismayed at the form it seems to have taken. My ideal LWW video game, I suppose, would be a narrative puzzle game (like Myst with people to talk to, or Sam and Max without the hilarity and Big Feet) where you switch off playing the different Pevensies and go around talking to fauns and beavers and exploring the land to figure out what is going on and how to help the people.

Perhaps that is part of this video game, but all the commercials I've seen highlight the "smacking the crap out of monsters" parts of it, and the descriptions I've found claim it is an "action/adventure epic video game where players will be captivated by remarkable characters, heart pumping combat and rich environments that could only exist in the land of Narnia" and will "use their unique combat skills, weaponry and abilities to defeat the Witch and her armies to save Narnia."

Given, it sounds like "characters" and "environments" will play some part, but I'm afraid that by "characters" they mean the White Witch's minions (for battling!) and by "environments" they mean different combat zones (statuary garden! snowy field!). And true, the children's Christmas presents lend themselves to the idea that each child might have "unique combat skills, etc." (Peter battling with a sword, Susan with arrows, Lucy healing with her cordial...Edmund sitting on the sidelines eating Turkish Delight), and God knows I spent a great deal of my childhood decorating cardboard Narnian swords and armor with silver and gold crayons, but somehow I don't think the main point of the book is slaughter.

So then I was trying to remember what percentage of each of the subsequent books was taken up by fighting, because I'm sure they are going to continue to make a video game for each movie, and this particular angle may not work for all of them, though each book does, of course, have its exciting moments.

Prince Caspian: FIGHT with the help of the trees. DUEL with an evil king. Also, EAT a bear with apples (delicious!).

Voyage of the Dawn Treader: SAIL...and sail and sail. PLAY AS EUSTACE: Scrub off those dragon scales, scrub, scrub, scrub. SAY GOODBYE to Reepicheep.

The Silver Chair: BEAT UP students at a progressive educational institution.

The Horse and His Boy: RACE across the desert while chased by a lion ("You may be wondering why there are two sets of footprints...this is my second take.").

The Magician's Nephew: FOLLOW beringed guinea pigs.

The Last Battle: DIE in a railway accident (but it's a good thing).

Not that I haven't inappropriately commodified the Chronicles of Narnia in my own life. For a fifth-grade book report we were supposed to make travel brochures of a fictional place and sell our class on the idea of "visiting" it. Having recently visited DisneyWorld for the first time, I was all about theme parks, so my brochure (Narnia: the adventure of a lifetime!!!!!) advertised "Games, Attractions, Shops, Food, Rides, and much more!"). Each letter of this slogan is colored in with a different (rainbow order: red, orange, orange-yellow, yellow, light green, green, green-blue, light blue, dark blue, purple, magenta, pink...I love you, Crayola markers!) color, so even the cover was visually stunning.

The front inside cover was a map of "Narnia," illustrating how the park was divided into "lands." You entered the park through the Wardrobe (and naturally the "Lampost" was directly to your right once you were in), and then a ring of railroad track and a web of various roads took you to each land. The "Witches Castle" was in the center, surrounded by Cair Pavel, the Stable on the Hill, the Stone Table, "Bevers House" (my version of Mr. Beaver's dam being an underwater igloo with a red brick chimney jutting jauntily above the waves), "Mr. Tumunis's house" (identical in shape and chimney to "Bevers House," but colored in shades of brown and located above ground), Tirian's Tower, "Puddleglum's house (Tent)," and Doorway (a lovely brown doorway with vertical rainbow stripes where the door part goes). And then there was a helpful legend in the corner with a compass rose and a key with icons for rides, shops, "resturants," restrooms, telephones, trees, and first aid--none of which are actually marked on the map because I didn't want to mess it up.

Coming tomorrow... what to do when visiting Narnia: the adventure of a lifetime...